


To be Alone

by IlluminateandRelate



Series: I fix the end of Tokyo Ghoul [6]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Dancing, Fluff, Hand Jobs, I cried writing this, M/M, MUTSURIE WEDDING IS HERE, My longest oneshot yet, Shower Sex, Smut, Tokyo Ghoul: re, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Wedding Fluff, Wedding Night, Weddings, implied/referenced PTSD, pure??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 21:39:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15398025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IlluminateandRelate/pseuds/IlluminateandRelate
Summary: It’s long overdue.All of it.He’s been in love with him for a long ass time. So fucking-The two idiots tie the knot (at last)





	To be Alone

**Author's Note:**

> AHHHHH I WAS GONE SO LONG I AM SORRY. I WAS BURNING TO A CRISP IN 112 DEGREE WEATHER ON A LAKE WITH NO AC. I did work on this when I could and I am so happy to have finished it. This is the longest oneshot in this series and probably the last Mutsurie one for a little bit (haHA maybe... I can't stay away from them).
> 
> *Side note that this does feature smut, if you wish not to read it stop reading once Mutsuki falls asleep in the car :)*
> 
> Without further ado ~

It’s long overdue.

All of it.

He’s been in love with him for far too long. _So fucking-_

The music starts and he watches as Kuroiwa exits from the door in front of him, his black suit sharp and trimmed. If Urie focuses he can just catch the snow white of Saiko’s short dress blowing gently to the side from across the room as she enters. The music plays soft and sweet as he takes a step forward. His heart hammering, he can feel each throb of his pulse in his throat.

It's not traditional, not one bit. And honestly, it’s weird.

But they always were too. So Urie supposes it’s fitting.

They’re off in the wings of a large cathedral despite neither of them being particularly religious. The audience— a small one— sits to his right just inside of the open door he stands several feet behind. Mutsuki is on the other side in the opposite wing somewhere wearing a white suit to contrast with Urie’s black.

In front of him, Hsiao begins to walk, her dark chiffon dress blending with her long black hair. _She looks beautiful._ He can just catch Higemaru adorned in white smirking a challenge to her from across to room when he realizes just how wet his palms are.

He grimaces and tries to wipe them off— sighing when they skid off the satin material of his suit. _He knew they should’ve gone with matte._ He gives up, clenching his teeth, and looks up, his heart dropping fifty feet when he realizes the last person in front of him— Aura— has begun walking to meet with Touka. His fingers balled into sweaty fists of panic as the music changes.

The two meet in the center and—

He sees him.

Sees the white suit, smooth and soft over the black collared shirt. Sees the snow-white locks gently styled and resting against the soft bronze curvature of his face. Urie _melts._ Mutsuki shoots a nervous smile that he can just make out through the distance and he feels his jelly legs solidify. _He could do this._ He fought ghouls, hundreds. Fought at dragon, fought at the auction, at the clowns, at rueshima, at himself, the world— _he could do this._

He takes a step, leaving the safety of the doorway to the exposed eyes of the crowd. Fractures of colored light explode from stained glass windows, dancing across the skin and suit of Mutsuki in flecks of yellow, purple, red. He walks, floats really, _he can’t feel his legs._ His suit grows hotter with each and every tread forward. Locking eyes with Mutsuki and staying with them. The look trickles into his chest as it expands with warmth, wanting to be closer, _so much closer_. He tries not to go too fast, to follow the same pace as Mutsuki.

A thousand years _— fifteen seconds later_ they meet.

They stand in front of the others; together in the middle. Urie outstretches a hand to feel the soft familiar touch of those fingers. The eye patch is gone and he can see clearly into the peridot of Mutsuki’s eyes. He’s vaguely aware of the priest to their left, saying something, mumbles, really.

He rubs small circles in Mutsuki’s palms, over small bumpy scars that formed despite their healing ability.

He loves him.

It hurts how much really. Every time their eyes meet a lump forms in his throat and his chest aches— no— burns.As if his heart’s been doused in gasoline and the muscles all at once clench to brace themselves from the licking flames climbing his chest cavity. He feels them turn to ash and lets the ash slide up his throat and burn his tongue as it touches Mutsuki. Like the tides to the moon, Mutsuki has him pulled each and every way.

It’s utterly terrifying. He’s tipping at the peak of a six thousand foot mountain, balancing on one foot.

And somehow, someway, he— Urie Kuki— is okay with it.

Maybe it’s from lack of oxygen. Being so up high can do that Maybe it's insanity. Maybe he’s framed out. Maybe the procedure failed three years ago and he died.

A gentle tug on his fingers pulls him back into reality and he locks onto that face.

“Vows?”

The priest to his left says it and he feels himself stiffly nodding in answer. His throat growing incredibly tight as he swallows, fitting the words into his mouth carefully,

“Mutsuki Tooru.” He pauses, “I have spent so many years, too many, fighting everyone and everything. Human nature says when we are attacked we should fight back, to protect ourselves.” He blocks out everyone around them, pulling up a divider so it's just him and–

_Mutsuki_

His fingers are trembling in Urie’s so fast and hard it's truly a miracle they haven’t shaken off his hands. He feels the stares like hot sunlight beaming on his side, burning fresh, and Urie must know ( _Urie always knows_ ) because he can feel the gentle circling of calloused fingers in his palms.

He grips them harder, focuses on Urie’s words and eyes.

“You told me it's painful to be alone. Agonizing.”

_He can’t believe he actually remembers that-_

_“_ So this is my vow” A breath, “I’ll never leave you alone. Ever.”

Mutsuki can feel the nerves from his fingers. He knows Urie isn’t a talker, knows he struggles with the words and what to say and how. He wishes the audience was gone, wants everyone away, wants only Urie and stained glass fractures. He wants to tell him _me too_.

The ring is cool as it slides over his finger, a soft gold, _simple really_. But it was Urie. Wrapping around his trembling finger, it contrasts a soft shine on his skin and it almost looks too perfect there.

He feels the tears well up in his eyes, dripping, threatening to spill over the edge.

And god Urie looks so great. Looks so beautiful standing under the suns colored rays, flickering and shining in dazzles of brilliance. His dark hair has grown down further, the undercut long since gone. _Here._

The gentle fingers calloused, always calculating, checking eyes.

_He’s been in love with him for a very long time._

He takes the other ring, this one imbedded with two small diamonds, and can hear his voice shake as he speaks.

“Urie Kuki. I have been many things good and bad, in each and every one of those times I was my best with you. We drifted and fell but here and now I vow to stay. So that we never may lose again. I swear it, Shirazu.” He says it in one breath. Taking a gasp of quick air before pulling Urie’s hand closer. Desperate to see it on him, feel it, know it’s real and he’s not dreaming. That the unfathomable has happened.

He slides it on, checks Urie's face. His pupils are blown, a gentle gaping on his mouth and his eyes are spilling at the corners.

_Please say it. Please._

“Kuki and Tooru Urie.-“

He feels the release of his last name like hundred pound shackles crack and drop. Feels the gentle blow of cracked windows on his cheeks and every ounce of pain shred and flake away. _Insignificant._

“I now pronounce you Husbands,”

Everything floats away, everyone. The only physical thing existing is right in front of him.

“You may now kiss the groom.”

He surprises himself by sweeping forward first. Drunk on the multicolor haven and promises. The arms that wrap around him welcoming and warm.

He doesn’t think anything’s ever tasted so sweet.

The loud cheers pull him back. Reminders of the eyes and the magic breaks; he turns to his right at the grooms' people to survey the reactions. Saiko is desperate and sobbing, having broken formation she clings to Touka blowing a mix of snot and tears into her dress sleeve.

Touka herself looks teary-eyed and she catches his eyes sending a small smile.

On his left, everyone is smiling. He catches Kaneki’s face as he claps polite and calm.

He clutches Urie’s hand, turning back to see a soft stream of tears trickling down his pale skin. The music starts slowly again and they walk through the center aisle this time.

_Together._

***

Tooru rests his head against the back of the seat. His legs aching with the after-burn of movement. He feels the dampness of sweat in his hair, the flush in his cheeks.

He grins.

Urie slides in behind him, closing the car door and letting out a breath.

“I am never taking Saiko out. She wouldn’t even let me sit down for water,”

“She does that.”

Tooru finds Urie’s fingers in the back of the limousine, intertwining them in his own. He feels the pull back of the car as it begins to move and reaches his free hand forward to grab a water from the mini fridge.

“Thanks,” Urie says, exasperated as he hands it to him, holding it in the crook of his arm as he twists it open.

They sit silent for a moment, fingers fixed together. In the background, a song Mutsuki has never heard bumps out a wobbled tune.

The night is still young, the heavy blue of dusk having just fallen over the horizon. The windows are cracked as a cool breeze blows through the warm summer eve, and Tooru closes his eyes, leaning into Urie on his right. The careful rumble of the car beneath him.

He doesn’t think he can remember feeling so at ease. So fluid and gentle. Doesn’t think he can remember a time where the stars and the evening swaddled him with gentle swaying fingers. Where they rocked him as the wind blew a lullaby.

He closes his eyes, inhaling the gentle scent of cologne and soap. He feels a careful set of arms envelope him before he drifts into the soupy, star spattered blackness of the night. The bubbles of champagne and music like a steady beat thrumming through his veins.

He holds the moon in his arms, locks it there.

_He’s never going to let go of-_

_Urie_

He hates that he has to rouse him. Hates that he has to be responsible for interrupting the soft snoring slumber of his husband.

_No, he’s never going to get used to that._

But they’ve arrived. And the hotel website said all attending residents needed to check in. _Freaking pretentious._

Well, what could he have expected from a place Tsukiyama Shuu chose in the first place?

He takes one last look at Tooru next to him, eyes closed, mouth slightly ajar. Feels his chest tighten, a burn slicing through him like the lick of a flame. _It’s not like carrying him would be hard._

Somehow he thinks the staff won’t accept that as a proper check in.

He taps his shoulder, shaking him, grimacing when his soft features contort from relaxed to squinty. Tooru yawns and slowly blinks at him through the moonlit darkness.

“Are we there?” His voice is thick with the weight of sleep and he feels another twist of anger at the hotel.

Urie gives him a small nod as the chauffeur opens the door to his right. Pale blue light spills in and he winces as his pupils struggle to dilate.

He takes Tooru’s fingers in his own again. “Cmon,”

They slide out together, taking a moment to survey the building and from the corner of his eye, he sees Tooru rub his eyes. Before they widen in awe.

The building is giant, all archways and quartz. Urie realizes the light from before is from lanterns hanging like ethereal glowing fruits from stalks of ivy and wisteria. Around them people in formal suits of red hustle to gather their luggage and load it onto a trolley.

The whole place teems with an aura of wealth and luxury, the gentle sloping shadows caressing every crevice of the building. _Shuu has really outdone himself._

It was only a one night stay. Urie had expected something nice, _but this_ , this was thousands of dollars past nice.

And Tsukiyama wanted to have it pinned as a company expense. The crazy—

“Tsukiyama really knows how to find a hotel,” Tooru says, slowly spinning for the full effect. “This place is incredible.” His eyes are saucers in his skull as he drinks in the riches to which Urie chuckles, shaking his head.

“I’m almost scared to see the interior.” He has to admit though, _the place is amazing._

From the corner of his eye he sees Tooru turn to him grinning, “together?”

“I did promise.”

They step into the revolving doors, spinning around the crystal panels until the other side opens up. The ceiling high and vaulted on the inside. A large gem encrusted chandelier dangling high above their heads causing specks of light to reflect and dance back to the ground.

Fountains drizzle and gurgle along the walls lighting up in an array of pale tones. The lobby chairs made of knobby wood twisted and pulled to look naturally formed by branches.

Urie lets out a choked laugh at the over the decorations, and Tooru even looks overwhelmed as they continue walking to the front desk.

A girl is sitting at the only open space, her expression vacant and distracted. Urie walks up and puts one free hand on the counter. “Excuse me,” he says, waiting for her eyes to focus before continuing. “We have a reservation for tonight.”

“Names?” Her voice is as dry as her expression.

He feels his heart rate quicken, jumping up to a quick staccato beat in his chest before he speaks, “Urie Tooru and Kuki.”

_Good god_

His eyes flit over to Tooru’s face as it reddens, and he tries to repress a smile. _They’re acting like little kids with this._

“ID?” She asks as he passes them over, feeling Tooru thrum a pattern in his hand as she glances at each of their faces, shrugging. She hands the cards back, adding two room keys to the exchange.

“Your floor is 24, room number 2403. Breakfast is complimentary with your package served in the dining hall on the first floor five to ten. Please enjoy your stay.”

He thanks her as they turn away towards the shiny elevator, walking in synchronized patterns as they head up to the room.

Tooru punches in the number, and the ride up stays quiet only filled by breathing and the occasional cough. He realizes he doesn’t quite know what to do. What to say.

He’s married. _He never thought—_

_“Did any of us ever get the chance to taste such happiness?”_

He thinks he might have.

A loud laugh interrupts his thought, breath filled and sharp, he turns to see Tooru chuckling and raises a brow, “what?”

“It’s nothing,” Tooru says still laughing, but stifling the sounds in his hand.

Urie shakes his hand where he holds it, “cmon, what is it?”

It’s almost a whiny request and he can’t help the spreading grin threatening the corners of his mouth. _Tooru doesn’t laugh nearly enough._

“It’s just“— he breathes, a sore attempt to compose the bubbling in his chest. “You look so serious sometimes.”

He rolls his eyes, surrendering to the pull at his mouth. “I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Matsurie.”

Tooru’s face scrunches as the elevator door opens and he steps out, pulling Urie along with him. “Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting.”

Urie chuckles low and deep, “I went to his house for dinner once. Met his wife. He asked me if I ever thought I’d marry.”

“And?”

“I wasn’t sure. Then, I attended Kuriowa’s wedding with Yoriko. Realized I did want that.” He stops walking for a moment. A sudden overwhelming tightness seizes him. His stomach writhes with the words. “With you.”

His throat is strangling him from the inside out as he awaits Tooru’s reaction. He doesn’t often speak so brash, but Tooru’s eyes are blown to galaxies. His mouth ajar. He moves both hands to cup Urie’s cheeks and presses their lips together. Pulls back as a quiet smile creeps across his features.

They keep walking.

The hall stretches on for a minute or so until they find their door. Urie handing him the room key as they approach it and click it open. Filing inside as the door swings open. Like everything else in the hotel it reeks of expense.

He walks around, a large king bed sits pressed against the wall in the center of the huge room. There is a desk, a flatscreen and a full sized couch. It’s all so much, _too much_. In the corner of the room a smaller version of the lobby’s fountain trickles a gentle flow of water.

He feels Tooru break off, letting go of his fingers and watches as he runs to the balcony. Ripping the curtains open to see the large marble platform. “Holy shit,” he whispers. Turning back to Urie, “Are we sure we can just write this off?”

“No idea.” He breathes, running his fingers over the smooth satin surface of the duvet, sitting down and leaning back, legs dangling off the side of the bed.

Tooru comes back over, following in suite and flopping down on the bed. They lay there a moment, silent before Urie realizes just how gross he feels.

He’s pretty sure his entire undershirt is sweat-soaked from the dancing, and he remembers someone spilling champagne on him. He thinks there might be random splotches of frosting in his hair.

He rolls his head into Tooru’s arm, not wanting to be apart but also craving to be clean and sighs.

“I think I’m going to take a shower.”

Tooru turns to him, pressing up close to his chest and tangling his fingers in his hair.

“Okay.” A smile and Urie feels his chest pull him closer to Tooru. _He really doesn’t want to leave him._

He lets out one last groan, kissing the corner of Tooru’s mouth before pushing himself up and off the bed. Padding over to the bathroom and peeking his head in. There’s a huge bathtub, big enough to count as a mini pool probably. And a separate shower— _who even needs a separate shower?_ He takes one last look at the boy laying on the bed as he closes the door. A sore ache pounding in his chest that really doesn’t make much sense- he’ll be behind the door- and forces himself to close it, turning back around to the several shower knobs.

He Amuses himself for a moment at the different settings— everything from a rain at the entire roof of the shower to one streamlined jet— and strips stepping gingerly into the steam filled area. _He wishes he could be with-_

_Tooru_

Tooru shoves his hands on his face, groaning as he drags them down. He knows he’s nervous. He knows he shouldn’t be. It’s Urie.

He’d thought about it the moment he saw the bed, no— the moment they stepped into the lobby.

_He wants to be normal._

He knows what couples do, what newlyweds don’t stop doing. He’s planned, the bags were brought up and the top pocket of his holds lube and condoms.

He’s twenty-three years old. Not sixteen— he shouldn’t feel so freaked. He breathes in, holding it for a moment before exhaling. He sits up pulling off his coat jacket first, the rest of his clothes hitting the floor seconds later. He pulls off his socks and sits back down on the bed.

His heart is slamming against his ribcage like a trapped bird and his lungs feel like iron as they attempt to pull in air. Unyielding and worn.

Tooru leans forward, trying to ignore the surge of dysphoria that comes with being naked. Forcing his squeezed eyes open he forces himself to stand, for his knees to unlock. He swallows the flitting beating lump in his throat and walks to the door. He can hear the shower running aside his heart in his ears.

He rests one hand on the knob, closes his eyes. Gives himself the count of three before he opens the door.

Urie is facing the back wall, muscular back just visible through the steamed glass and Tooru feels his fingers tremble. He’s seen him naked before. They both have seen one another. _So why is this?_

He inhales, it’s not that he doesn’t want to go in. He does. He _really_ does. It’s just that almost every time they get too close he freezes. His lungs turn ice and his body—

He exhales, they’ll go slow. _Urie always lets him go slow_.

He balls up his fingers, flexes them, and steps forward with a hand on the shower door now.

Urie doesn’t turn as he slides the door open. Doesn’t turn as he presses up to his back, the courage once small kindling a now growing flame in his chest. Doesn’t turn as he wraps his arms around his back letting his fingers slide up the sculpted slopes of his chest.

“Hey,” he says, his voice coming out so much smoother than it feels in his throat.

Urie's arms move first in response, enveloping his own as at last he turns around, his face relaxed. A soft candlelight flicker smile is dancing on his lips as he sets and wraps his hands on Tooru’s shoulders.

“Hi.” Urie's hands slide down his back, stopping at his waistline. They rub gentle circles into Tooru’s skin and he feels himself lean into the touch, pushing flush against Urie.

He loves it. Being pressed against him sans clothes. His body is sturdy and warm, skin soft stone. He hooks his arms around his neck, resting there.

He feels the swimming pull from his chest flow between the two of them. The gentle humming energy like a verse etched into his soul as they stay there a moment, clinging to one another beneath the cascading water. Tooru breathes easy, not sure why he was so nervous in the first place.

Another beat passes before Urie pulls back, sighing. He grabs the small bottle of shampoo left for them on the shelf and he pours some into his fingers, hands are gentle as he reaches up to his hair.

“Let me help you,” he says as he massages it into Tooru’s scalp. Pulling his head back to keep soap from his eyes.

Tooru feels a gentle white flood his head as the fingers work into his scalp. The shower feels like a glass bubble, steamy and safe. The suds streaming down his shoulders and down his back frothing down the drain. He closes his eyes, feeling, breathing as Urie moves to rinse his hair carding through the white locks. _He should really cut it_.

Opening his eyes as the last of the shampoo is rinsed out, he extends an arm to grab the soap bar on the shelf. He works it into a lather on him first avoiding contact with Urie's eyes as they skim him body up and down, his face flushing.

_He likes it._

Likes the way Urie’s eyes grow hazy and big as they drop lower on his body. Likes that he can give him this, likes that he can make him drop the prideful facade. In this bubble the terror of gazes his way feel distorted and far, _alien._

There’s only them two, the drip of water, and the growing heat. He continues working the lather across his body, daring to look up again at Urie. Feeling a flicker of pride when he realizes just how faded the other boy seems to have gotten.

_These are rare moments._

The ones where he feels good, the ones where he feels initiative, _free_. The tightened chains of guilt and worry unraveling their vice grip around his arms. Allowing him to drop off the weights of _hadn’t done,_ and _should’ve done._ Only leaving what _to do_ , what he  _can do._

Urie outstretches an arm to lift Tooru’s face to his own, lips pressing against his own, wet and warm. He wraps one hand around his waist and the other to his cheek as he pulls closer into it, soap washing down his body.

Together they work up to a rhythm, the careful sound of breathing and kissing filling the air with a smooth flow of ease. The steam working its way into their lungs and warming them. Their lips only seperate for short bursts of breath, yet Tooru feels as if he stops he won't be  _able_ to breathe. The otherworldly oxygen from Urie is his heroin and it feeds the caged clawing monster in his chest, setting it open and free. The delicious, bubbly, shouting, freedom spreads its wings.

He _is_ free.

Nobody can reach him, hurt him. The grabbing greedy hands can’t touch him and the only ones he’ll let are the soft one’s sliding up and down his back. They pull him closer and he falls deeper, sinking into the haze of steam as the kisses grow messier and more heated, the warmth infiltrating his brain with the summer warm haze of cicadas and buzzing.

 _He is so gone_.

He realizes this as he moves his mouth to the base of Urie’s chin, teeth gently pulling in the warmed skin as he licks his tongue over the smoothness. Realizes this as Urie let out a soft release of breath, a little voice creeping out till it’s just short of a moan.

The hands are on his chest, in his hair, climbing up his arms and back down lower. Driving in his brain an electric warmth. He spreads his tongue across the base of Urie’s neck and inhales the clean scent of soap. It’s familiar. Calming even.

And through the haze of it all, he becomes vaguely aware of a growing hardness pressing against his thigh.

They’ve gotten better with it, over the years. He’s gotten Urie off before with his hand, it’s the most he could _do_ , but it’s not nearly often enough for either of them. Urie not liking being able to help him off in return no matter how much he insisted he enjoyed helping him regardless.

With this in mind, Tooru takes Urie’s hand from its current station on his chest and drags it around, lower, until it rests below his back. It sends a liberating thrill up his sternum, being able to feel this pressing vulnerability, skyrocketing his already dangerously high heart rate. He’s not quite sure _how_ it hasn’t exploded from his chest. It’s alive and squeezing rapidly in his lungs and throat, expanding with gasps of something untamed and wild and he presses closer.

Their legs are in between one another now, the crave for friction a burn they can both feel on one another’s thighs. He feels his clit thrumming, a pulsing ache for something, _anything_ , in between his legs and focuses instead on where his mouth has traveled to Urie’s shoulder.

He knows he’s stalling with it, knows he’s ready enough, but as long as it’s just this and no further the cold won’t creep in.

_He also knows he’ll never get anywhere if he doesn’t try._

He swallows the flitting bird inside and pulls back from the wet skin just a moment to speak through labored breaths. A short _please_ pierces the silence and Tooru lowers his own hand, rubbing where Urie’s groin meets his leg forward and backward in a slow drag of fingertips, relishing into the gentle and strained grunt he receives.

“You—are you—sure?” His voice is raspy, strained, and Tooru laughs into his arm.

“ _Yes_.”

Urie’s fingers slide soft and slow down his chest, teasing him for just a moment before he dips down and Tooru feels a finger, warm and wet rub against his clit. It’s slippery and calloused sliding around his folds and everywhere, _everywhereeverywhere—_

It starts slow, the small area sending careful lapping waves of pleasure up his abdomen, his insides writhing with the growing heat of it all. The tendrils grow more strained and more demanding with every passing second and after a minute or so he rocks over Urie’s hand, wanting more and faster already, confidence growing with every second of freedom. _The cold can’t come in here._ It’s too warm, with the heat, the water, it can’t break the shower doors, or even the room’s.

The heat pierces intense now, more direct as if a thousand squirming beings are pushing around just above his clit, longer and sharper, and _so incredible_ . He can’t help when the low pitched whine breaks from his lips breathy, can’t help when his vision goes white and clear as he feels Urie press down directly on his clit and drag, the pleasure shooting up his abdomen a flaming flower of ecstasy and heat and Tooru _bites_ into Urie's shoulder. His whole body rocks with the crackling fire as it expands filling up his lungs, his throat.

The fingers keep rubbing, and it’s all so much, too much, _not enough._ He’s so wet now he can feel it trickle from him and it shouldn’t but it makes everything somehow hotter beneath the spilling shower head.

He’s desperate and gripping to Urie now, the old reactions far away and locked in their tomb and this is so new and this is so _soso_

“ _ungh_ ” he feels his voice creep more and more into every exhaling breath. He has one leg moved to wrap around his waist and he’s trying to stay upright so freaking _hard._

Each wave washes over him higher, sharper, in his brain, and legs, and chest. He feels as if he’s in a plane rising further into the atmosphere, the air thinning, and thinning.

His thighs are burning a fire as they clench and tighten, his fingers flexed and sharp, and his veins are hot and- _who’s he kidding everything is hot._ Everything is flaming and his core is screaming as Urie’s fingers gather a viscious speed of rubbing and pinching. The whole world is a lava storm, a wave crest, still, the quiet air before a lightning strike, quivering, and fragile, and-

Tooru shudders violently as he crashes onto shore, the taut string inside breaking, snapping, and he cries out as it explodes inside him. His nails squeezing into Urie’s shoulders as he comes hard and fast, eyes watering. His hips buck forward into Urie’s hand and he feels the throb of it all as he gets rubbed through his orgasm. A hand is on his ass keeping his legs from collapsing and he’s pretty sure he’s not supporting himself at all by the point. _He is completely and utterly dependent on-_

 

_Urie._

 

He holds him up as he comes, one arm beneath to keep him from falling on the unforgiving shower floor and the pinned between their stomachs. His fingers are covered in slippery fluids as they work their way around, trying to draw every last bit of tension out as he comes down. His own dick is throbbing almost painful against his stomach, but his head is so full of the sounds and of Tooru, and the fact that he just came into his hands- _because of his hands-_ he can’t even _begin_ to think of fixing it.

He pulls the unsupporting hand from in between Tooru’s legs and rinses it in the downpour of water before moving it to the white hair hiding the face in his shoulder. Pulling it back behind Tooru’s ear and pressing a series of kisses to the exposed cheekbone to welcome him back on the ground as he strokes it. The hot breath on his shoulder slows. He can feel the fluttery heartbeat pressed to his own, hear it if he tunes his senses. A fast but steady _badum_ _badum badum_...

He swears if it ever stops he will too. If it ever slows too much, or hurts, or bleeds he will too. His arms are armored steel protecting the exposed heart wrapped around him vulnerable and soft and-

Tooru finds his footing, still holding onto him with his legs shaky. He lifts his face up towards Urie’s and the breath in his lungs seems to have vanished with the way it looks so blissed out. Their lips meet slow and long and _Urie thinks dying like this would be a privilege._

He’s just vaguely aware of Tooru’s hand falling, lower and lower and _lower_ until it’s at the base of his stomach. His fingers stalled and twirling there on his skin, wet and hot.

“Just say the word,” he says it quietly, teasing almost.

It reminds him of the throbbing desire pressed and taut, giving it all of Urie’s attention again and he feels his chest clench up flexing and steaming. He forces the words through the ever closing hole in his throat. _Yes._

He feels the hand wrap around him shortly after, a slow pull downward sending him- _shooting him_ up into the clouds in seconds. _The air is not nearly abundant enough here,_ he thinks, breathing in sharp and quick fingers grasping the walls for purchase.

The molecules are thrumming with him, one chaotic cacophony of beats sputtering in an uneven rhythm. The steam blankets over the both of them and he feels his eyes flutter shut with the overstimulation of it all. Tooru all the while keeps jerking him off, hand loosening only to snap back in a firm grip of palm and fingers.

He nearly falls when he feels him thumb over his slit, voice crying out an embarrassing half-grunt, half-moan. Tooru shoots out and arm to wrap around his back to stop his skull from cracking into the marble wall. The jetting streamline of pleasure like a drug injecting into his veins, his nerves, everywhere.He is pulled closer again to Tooru’s chest, panting something crazy.

“Bed.” is all Tooru says as one hand withdraws from Urie’s dick and the other takes his hand.

Urie can’t think straight enough to do anything else but nod. He shoves off the shower and allows Tooru to lead him wet and dripping with water still to the main room. He falls to the bed and scoots back, using every bit of resolve in him to keep his hands off himself. The pillows are soft and plush against his back- _already a great improvement from the shower_ \- but he feels as if he’ll faint when he sees Tooru climbing back on, lips flushed red and mouth swollen

He climbs above Urie, swallows his lips in a kiss as his hand returns to its previous station on his dick. Pulling and gripping harder and faster now, just till Urie lets out a lengthy cry, then pulls back. Face flushing pink as he hops off the bed and over to a suitcase, and Urie’s vision is far too blurred to even see what he’s doing. Can only wonder _why_.

His own fingers drop low to where his dick drips with precum and he feels an unbearable strain behind his eyelids, his hips begging to snap up with every second he goes untouched. Tooru is in front of him again, holding a box of condoms and what Urie can only guess is lube.

“I’m ready if-”

 _“Please,_ ” He lets out a throaty moan “anything just-” He slows his breath, gathering any and every coherent thought. “Tell me when to stop. Say it and I won't do anything more-”

Tooru hurries back onto the bed, pulling out a condom as he drips cold water on top of Urie. He tears it open and Urie squirms, needing something.

He takes it from Tooru as he hands it to him, sliding and rolling it over him trying to stay still. “I think- you- should ride me.” God, it sounds odd saying it like tthat.e grits his teeth again, “Less scary-” he pauses, straining, “gives you more power.” _Every word is a marathon to say._

Tooru nods, eyes wide, he’s nnervous.Urie smiles takes Tooru’s hand on his right and moves his hand on top of his chest on the left, he sits on his thighs, close but not nearly enough. Urie suffers for a few more short moments as Tooru pops open the bottle and rubs his fingertips with lube for just a moment before he smears it on Urie who’s eyes squeeze shut with the effort of not jerking forward. He fists his fingers on top of the duvet as he waits, the other boy positioning himself carefully.

He slides down. It’s slow. AAgonizing.ut Urie knows he’d sit through centuries of this for him. He _hates_ when he freezes, feels pathetic, _helpless_ . He won’t let it happen if there’s a way to prevent it- even at his own expense- _he’ll take it._

_He’d do just about anything for him._

Tooru keeps descending, and it takes a while but he eventually slides himself down all the way. He holds still a moment, closing his eyes waiting a beat before he opens them again, face almost shocked. He looks at Urie, “I’m okay?”

He grins and squeezes his hand, _he’s okay._ “You’re okay.”

Tooru laughs like the blinding white hot rays of the sun. He looks down at him below, expression light as air as his laugh turns to a small smile.

“I love you Urie Kuki.”

He rocks forward and back, still adjusting and Urie moans, head rolling to the side and into a pillow good _god_. Tooru lifts up a little, slides back down, his wet heat is dripping and tight around him and it fills his brain with fog.

“I love you too, Urie Tooru.”

It speeds up soon after and he hears a low moan slide into the air. The sound goes straight to his dick, and stream to the throbbing and he bites his lip. He turns to see Tooru, eyes closed in bliss as he sits on him mouth blown open with flushed cheeks.

_He thinks it should be weird to find this as beautiful as he does._

Tooru angles himself forward, pressing down with his free hand on Urie’s chest to balance himself as they begin to work out a rhythm. He slides up, and down, and up, _down_. The soft cries breaking into the air from both of them now as it gains speed.

The squelching sound is there now too, he can feel Tooru’s fluids leaking and dripping in the area by his dick and it just makes everything so much hotter, fire filled tendrils creeping further and squeezing.

“U- Urie” his voice is so breathy as he lands harder and harder each time.

“Fuck” He snaps his hips up with it, his legs uncontrollable and jerking up wildly.

It’s squeezing and clenching around him, he can feel the pulsing muscles against his dick and each time it drives him closer over the edge- closerand _closer_. Tooru’s voice and hands like gasoline to his burn as the fingers pinch his nipple.

He pants, breath faster and higher, his lungs growing and shrinking in terrifyingly fast waves. The pulsing shakes up his body with every throb and he’s pretty sure he might burst and spill at the seams in any second.

Tooru’s mouth is hung open, his eyes sliding shut then back open above, and he bites his lip, moaning everywhere. Once he jams down and Urie knows he’s hit the spot by the way his eyes snap open, he continues the bouncing, over and over in the area, fucking himself into oblivion. _It’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen_.

He watches as Tooru loses himself and he feels himself go with it. The white creeping into his vision, the tide carrying him away, the undertow dragging him deeper and then some more. His legs are burning a crazy fire, muscles straining with the tension as he feels everywhere tighten- _tighten_ . Everywhere from his groin to his chest is a coiled spring ready to pop. His eyes are jammed shut for the last seconds of it, a moment of serenity until. _Until_.

He stifles a scream into the pillow to his side as his body explodes with a burning white heat, so hot its ice, liquifying him from the inside out. He feels his body shudder as he comes still inside Tooru. His back is arching off the bed and he feel it as on top of him Tooru rides him out, still chasing after his own orgasm. _Fuck._

It's only another moment and he's still drifting in the bliss when he hears a sharp cry and Tooru bounces once- twice- three more times until he falls onto Uries chest, his dick still inside.

Their breaths are heavy together in the silence that follows. Urie feels Tooru lift their held hand up together and stare at them, the ring still on Urie’s finger. Tooru looks up at him and their eyes meet in the haze of bliss,

“Thank you.”

  


It's quiet that night when they fall asleep, but the air is clear and clean. There are no things unsaid, unheard. Just the breeze from the window and the promise of a better life here on out.

After all.

_To be alone is agonizing._

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING ANY AND ALL COMMENTS MEAN SO MUCH TO ME <3
> 
> I want to write some Akiramon... what do you guys think about that?
> 
>  
> 
> Scream at me and request here:
> 
> http://illuminateandrelate.tumblr.com/
> 
>  
> 
> Watch me scream here:
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/kirishimas.kagune/


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